Deppresion

It’s so hard sometimes to put into words what emotions you are feeling, especially when you are depressed. I went through a stage where I was depressed for a few months and I could not pin point the reasons for feeling so sad and angry all at once. And I found that if you can’t put into words why or what your feeling, no one will take you seriously. I would stare out the window for hours at a time, feeling trapped and so much would be going on around me because I have a husband and two children. Then I would feel worthless because I didn’t contribute to the household. I finally figured out that its okay for a woman to feel down sometimes. There is all this pressure that we need to be superwoman because the family depends on us. If we don’t acknowledge our emotions then it will all build up and we will finally explode. A friend of mine once told me, “If mamma aint happy, then no one will be happy.”  Here is a poem that wrote about depression and I wrote it while I was depressed so hopefully I was able to capture the emotion well.

Trapped in Emotion

 

 Depression rolls over

                                 into my days

                                                     and then my months like an unpaid electric bill.

The baby cries

and she’s wet.

The toddler wines

and she’s hungry.

The husband is yelling

and he can’t find

matching socks.

I stare out the window

                             and watch the new spring leaves quiver

                                                                                     until darkness tucks the day away.

My thoughts are uncontrollable.

What about the kids

what about homework

and my relationship

and what about my life

 Their mouths move

                         like fish gasping for air

                                                            open and close   

                                                                             and like a hungry fisherman I could care less.

My eyes scream for help.

The backdoor is open

and I look twice

one

two

to see it closed.

I tell them I’m ok

but tears stream

down my face.

Longing to feel the wind

                                 that dances with the grass,

                                                                        I turn the knob

                                                                                      let go

                                                                                            and turn back around.

5 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. 5kidswdisabilities
    Aug 08, 2011 @ 00:30:34

    What a heart wrenching poem. I empathize with you.

    Reply

  2. Melissa Crandall
    Aug 08, 2011 @ 01:09:23

    For what it’s worth, Celina, you’re not alone. We have all been there/are there/will be there. You have sisters out here in the world who understand and care. Stay strong.

    Reply

  3. forageporage
    Aug 08, 2011 @ 16:51:48

    STUNNING! Thank you

    Reply

  4. taramo
    Sep 11, 2011 @ 18:16:43

    Yes, it’s okay to be depressed sometimes – wrote a blog on the same thing myself recently. It’s as much part of the human condition as happiness. As humans we are susceptible to a whole range of emotions. Go with the flow. You’re perfect as you are, imperfections and all.

    Reply

  5. Trish Brown Vernazza
    Sep 16, 2011 @ 01:02:11

    Honest and Brave. Most individuals go through moments of depression, feelings of being overwhelmed and loss. Thank you for sharing so others can feel consoled.

    Reply

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